Life Changes and How to Cope with Stress that Comes Along
I was recently invited to speak about this subject with a group of people who are experiencing life changes relating to the life stage they are in. It was when I was preparing my presentation that I came to realize that life changes are not a monopoly of a certain group of people, of a certain age.
Whether it is predictable or unpredictable changes, life changes concern all of us.
On one hand, predictable changes are those that we want to happen or that are inevitable changes. For instance, marriage, the arrival of a baby, moving away, retirement, and aging, …
On the other hand, unpredictable changes are involuntary in nature, unexpected, and often out of our control. For instance: divorce, job loss, loss of a loved one, natural disaster, pandemic (covid-19), …
Most of these events affect us all to different degrees. While it is both inevitable and essential for growth, life changes can also be deeply uncomfortable — especially if it feels unpredictable, or out of our control. On the bright side, life changes force us to develop and grow as individuals. One learns how to adapt to new circumstances, think of unique approaches and work to accept oneself. In the end, this leads to personal growth in many ways, sometimes very harsh!
If life changes are good for growth, why do we fear them? One may ask.
We fear change because we cannot foresee the end result, i.e., the outcomes are unknown. Our brains are designed to find peace in knowing. When we don’t know what will happen, we make up scenarios – negative more often than not – and, in turn, create worry. Humans find it hard to move on when something known comes to an end. A recent example from the pandemic of Covid-19, when overnight we were forced to change our usual way of living i.e., stay home order, work from home order, don’t touch anybody order,… everyone became suspicious, and no one dared to cough or sneeze for fear of being singled out to have the virus!
How can we cope with stress from life changes?
Heraclitus, a Greek philosopher once said that “The only thing constant in life is change.”
Whether we want it or not we will go through life changes. The following are the 3 ways that I use to cope with stress during my major life changes.
- Resilience:
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- Accept that things are changing and that there is nothing in my power I can do about it,
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- I know that a dark night is always followed by a brighter day… this also shall pass.
Ryder Carroll stated that “No matter how bleak or menacing a situation may appear, it does not entirely own us. It can’t take away our freedom to respond, our power to take action.”
- Perseverance:
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- Avoid drowning, keep my head above the water …. It could be worse than this
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- Never give up, find positive reasons to help me push through the day, the week,…
I like the quote from MLK Jr “If you can’t fly, then run. If you can’t run, then walk. If you can’t walk, then crawl. But whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward.”
- Hope:
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- Even in the toughest situation, we can find things to give us hope. I keep away my focus on the situation by focusing on the good things in my life
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- When all seems lost, there is still hope – I imagine myself out of the situation and I cling to that image
A few tips help me to avoid worsening my situation: keep my regular schedule as much as I can, try to eat healthy, exercise (e.g., walk around the block), back away from media (mainstream and social), talk to someone (a friend or a life coach).
When does life start to change for the better?
Life begins to positively change for you when you change your perspective:
- Live in gratitude: every single day, in every circumstance (good or bad) there is always something to be grateful for. Because things could be always worse!
- Shift your thinking: take your focus from yourself and focus on helping someone else in need. Take the power of your thoughts. Focus on the positive. Earl Nightingale said that the Strangest Secret in life is this “You become what you think about all day long.”
- Take responsibility for your life. Realize that YOU are the only one in control. Accept all your flaws and understand those flaws make you who you are, a Unique human being!
If you need help on how to cope with life changes and the current challenging times, please contact us, together we will find tools to help you move toward your goals, despite the challenges.
How to Deal with Worrisome Times?
Yes, I agree completely with your perspective on dealing with unexpected challenges in life. Suffering is part of our lives, and we cannot escape it. Yet, it is through the acceptance of trials and the willingness to persevere with a positive attitude that we experience growth spiritually, emotionally, and psychologically. While we often do not see the value of tribulation as we are facing it, we grow and mature by coping with life’s challenges and learning to transcend them. It is so true that is “better to give than to receive.”
So, even in the midst of difficult times, we must rise above our own tragedies and help others who often face more severe hardships than we do. It is in giving of ourselves and reaching out to assist others in selfless ways that we actually begin to know and understand ourselves at a deeper level.
For me, having faith in a Higher Power, Whom I call God, also gives my life purpose. I believe there is a salvific purpose in suffering, even if I may not fully understand its purpose in this life. While it is also humbling at times to admit to others that we need their help, those are often the times we realize how much we all have in common. When confiding in trusted friends or professionals, we often learn that our feelings, questions, circumstances, troubles, and difficulties are ubiquitous.
There is a Scripture passage in the New Testament that gives me solace. Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest.” I believe Jesus works through others whom we may encounter in our daily lives. Praying for wisdom and discernment is an important initial step for me whenever I face a challenging decision. Then, after asking God for guidance, I must step out in faith and follow through with appropriate action.
We may not always see immediate success, but we can experience tremendous peace of mind if we trust in our Creator, who loves us and wants only the best for us, both now and in eternity. In Romans 8, Scripture reminds us, “If God be for us, then who can be against us?” Life on this earth is not always easy, but we can learn to navigate through life’s challenges by ultimately relying on our Higher Power and seeking the appropriate advice from trusted individuals truly who care about us.
Thank you, THANK YOU so much for your comment. Very great insight.
I hope this can help the reader who is experiencing life challenges.
It is important to always remind ourselves who we are. Life challenges, hardships are never greater than we are. Even though sometimes one feels like the dark night will never give in to the bright morning, with patience and resilience we always overcome the dark night with God’s help.
Thank you, Bernadette, for your insight on this topic of Change. I feared change as most of us do but learned so much by change. I love your take on predictable or unpredictable changes. We sometimes forget that change can be good. I worked for a company that had only letters for the company name and our customers used to ask what it stands for, I would say “it stands for change” as our industry changed quite frequently. I was so accepting of change in my work and embraced it, but when it came to my own life, I feared it.
Your perspective on coping through Resilience, Perseverance and Hope are spot on. I did not realize how important all 3 were until recently. I have been going through some struggles and had reminded myself it can always be worse. I have had some friends going through some very hard times and I stepped out of my own way and gave back to those in ways that I could. It really changed my mind set and I was filled with gratitude. I do have to say I also appreciated the link in your article on Harvard Business Review on Change. When I sit in my own mind by myself it’s not a healthy place to be alone and I know finding the right person to listen it is critical. Thank you for being that person! I value your insight and feedback immensely.
I cannot agree more when you talk about changing your perspective to positive change. The quote you noted from Earl Nightingale was so much deeper in meaning as I reflected.
Thank you again for your knowledge and wisdom on this topic, I look forward to your next share.
Christine Raymond
Dear Christine,
Thank you so much for your feedback!
This is exactly what I am looking for when I post these articles. I love your perspective on life change. I believe it’s Heraclitus who said that there is nothing permanent in life except change. Once we accept to embrace this idea, we have the assurance that change will lead us to an improved situation, even though we have to go through a lot of stress. The metaphor I often use is of a pregnant woman. In order to have that beautiful baby, the mother must go through a lot of changes, sometimes sufferings and stress. Yet, most women are looking forward to going through those change to get the baby.
We all have been through a lot of changes but we tend to forget when we settle in our comfortable situation.
As you rightly pointed out, resilience, perseverance and hope are main keys in coping with change.
Again thank you for your insights!
Bernadette